Or rather, what people misconstrue as irony.  Most people don’t understand that just because you’re wearing tight black jeans and drew a mustache on your pointer finger to take photos with does not make you ironic.  And before you get uppity, I don’t really think anyone truly understands it to it’s core, myself included. I think it’s too loose of a concept and there are too many situations that are almost irony that the line gets super blurred. And being in line with how I get all my news and information, this Cracked article is super helpful

But I think the one thing we can all agree on is that Alanis Morissette’s seminal hit “ironic” includes a bunch of things that definitely are not irony.  I mean, absolutely not. Tragic maybe. Inconvenient mostly. But it’s a very far stretch to say any of those things constitute irony.

And that’s why Alanis Morissette might be a black magic super genius. She wrote a song about irony and none of the things have to do with irony. And as per the definition of irony, that’s the exact opposite of what you would expect from a song about ironic things. I know I’m probably not the first one to point any of this out, but it blew my mind when I thought about it.

She should use that super brain power to fix the economy, create jobs, and make a new sustainable energy source. But that would be the exact opposite of what you would expect from her.

So it’s ironic. don’t ya think?

5. Nas – Illmatic
As Nasty Nas’s first cd, you would be hard-pressed to find a better all around collection of beats, rhymes, and hooks. Although it starts off with the track, The Genesis, the cd doesn’t reaaaallly start until Nas claims that “rappers be monkey flippin’ off the funky rhythms that I be kickin…” in N.Y. State of Mind. He represented a bridge between Big Daddy Kane, KRS-ONE, and Rakim and the yet-to-come gangsta rap of the mid-90s. I know, I know…I’m white. I get it. Blah blah. But that doesn’t disqualify this from being one of the best rap albums of all time. It edges out Jay’s Reasonable Doubt. It’s more cohesive than Biggie’s Ready to Die. And it’s more honest than Snoop’s Doggystyle. I don’t care what you say.

4. Jeff Buckley – Grace
First of all, if your favorite version of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah is not Jeff Buckley’s, I don’t know if we have any common ground. Seriously, it’s beautiful and haunting and way better than the original. And any subsequent version.  I know the argument is made that this cd is only considered excellent by many because of the fact that he died, but that’s a moot point. The entirety of the cd is so well thought out and, and I really hate that I’m about to say this, ahead of it’s time. Mojo Pin, Grace, Last Goodbye, So Real. All of it’s good. I can take or leave Corpus Christi Carol.  Lover, You Should Have Come Over is vivid and poignant (and, might I add, covered excellently by Jamie Cullum) His half-done “Sketches For My Sweetheart The Drunk” is also a favorite of mine, but it’s a bit more esoteric so it’s harder to get through. Though it does feature the awesome R&B joint, Everybody Here Wants You.

3. John Mayer – Room For Squares
Let’s take a journey back in time. Back before the racist comments in Playboy. Back before his open sexual exploitations (sexploitations?). Back before the tabloid fodder and the famous relationships. Back before appearing on Common’s “Go.” Back before the sell-out stadiums. Think about where you were in 2001 or whenever it was when you first heard Neon. That’s why this cd is number 3. I was a fat metal kid into Pantera and Metallica at the time. and I heard that song. and in the back of my mind, I knew it was all over. That was it. That’s what I had to chase. Then after (publicly) making fun of him, I listened to the entire cd. and it is a perfect pop record. with the possible exception of Great Indoors, every. single. song. is brilliantly written and played. Continuum is a better and more powerful record on the whole, Heavier Things is the more interesting one to listen to, and Battle Studies is a nice stride for something different, but this is the cd I have learned the most from in how to craft a song.

2. Vince Guaraldi Trio – A Charlie Brown Christmas
Christmas or not, this cd is absolutely the perfect storm of brilliance. Vince Guaraldi is not only a master composer and pianist, but this cd is so well-crafted and arranged in it’s entirety that it’s so easy to take for granted. It fit the television special perfectly. To use west coast jazz in a children’s special that also featured actual child voice actors was crazy at the time, but the pay-off was huge. that special is the cornerstone for a lot of people’s christmas time. This past saturday, I watched a live performance of the entire cd and it was even better live. I know it’s a Christmas cd, but I really can’t stress enough how incredible this cd is.

1. Prince – Purple rain
If you know me at all in person, you knew this was coming. This is the best cd that has ever been recorded by anyone that has touched an instrument. Better than the White Album. Better than Exile on Main Street. Better than Pet Sounds. I know you disagree. I understand. I really do. But this, for me, is just one of those things that seem like it should always have existed, ya know? Like, I really can’t imagine a time when this was not a cd. Like, when this cd was made, everyone said a collective, “yea, THAT’S what we’ve been missing.” I’m not even going to describe the cd. if you have not listened to it, just do it. for me. and for yourself. And then watch the movie. and then listen to anything else that Prince has ever touched (with the possible exception of the sequel to Purple Rain, “Graffiti Bridge” because it was so bad, even Madonna turned down a part in it).

So….what are yours?

1. Haiti Gets Quaked

man

Ok, so this is kind of a bummer to start off with. This really was a tragedy. Haiti, not only one of the poorest nations BEFORE this happened, gets kicked square in the jaw with a 7.0 magnitude earthquake.  On a very slim positive note, with all of the incoming aid and world-wide attention focused on it, Haiti has had a chance to actively change the infrastructure of the country. Or something. I either made that up or heard it on This American Life. Probably a dash of both.

Pros (for me): I can’t think of a personal pro to this. if you can, you might be a terrible person.
Cons (for me): Well, 230,000 people did die. and while I didn’t know any of them personally, this certainly cannot be chalked up as a win.

2. Winter Olympics Happen, Trey largely oblivious

This sums up winter sports for me

I…I gotta be honest. Before I looked up major events in 2010, I completely forgot about this. Is this important? Do people still care about the olympics, like, three minutes after the closing ceremony? Having not watched it, I’m going to make up what I assumed happened and say that America won every gold with the exception of curling, because screw curling.  amiright?

Pros (for me): USA! AMERICA NUMBER 1! And as an american, it is my God-given right to feel entitled to a part of that gold, even though I did nothing for it.
Cons (for me): Come on. Everyone knows the Winter Olympics is the Kidz Bop Version of the Summer Olympics. Plus, I had to listen to people pretend to care about something called a “Nordic Combine” like they knew what was going on.

3. BP Spills Oil, Ruins my seafood

Ok, look. People make mistakes. Sometimes they make big mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes destroy ecosystems and cost people jobs and billions of dollars worth of revenue. Everyone has an off day.  The important thing to remember in all this is that Kevin Costner, star of crap fest Waterworld, helped to invent a machine that would effectively clear up to 99% of all the oil spilled.
….wait, seriously? How does that even become a hobby of yours? What did you know that we didn’t, Ke-Co?? (that’s his nickname, right?)

Pros (for me): being that I don’t really like water anyways, I kind of had an excuse to not go to the beach or swimming with people.
Cons (for me): Unfortunately, all of that delicious seafood couldn’t really swim in it either. Also, it made me feel like a pariah every time I stopped at a BP for convenience’s sake.

4. World Cup Happens, Vuvuzela declared torture instrument

it catches itself in the net

I am a very avid passive soccer fan. I didn’t miss a comma there, either. I really enjoy watching it, but only when it’s on. I don’t really care for stats. I was in South Africa in January and everyone there was super pumped about the cup being held for the first time by an African nation. FIFA did a killer job with their fantasy league website and a teeerrrible job with officiating. so…even-stevens? Also, and this is such a weird sentence to type, Paul the Octopus correctly predicted all 7 of Germany’s games in the Cup and Spain winning the whole thing. May God rest that poor little cephalopod and his voodoo, black magic predictions.

Pros (for me): I think I came in third in our fantasy league? whatever, I beat Erik. Also, we tied England that first game. and as stated earlier, I am entitled to that tie. USA!
Cons (for me): Bzzzzzzzbzzzzzzzbzbzbzbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzbzbzzzzzzzzzzz

5. Miners get trapped in Chile, homophones let jokes write themselves

This happened about three-ish months or so after I moved into my new apartment, and I decided against getting cable tv. I don’t regret it, but it did severely limit what current events I kept up on. Most of my news comes from what’s trending on twitter (who died??) or reading cracked.com. So I knew nothing about this until they were being pulled up. In fact, I’m pretty sure I heard jokes about miners and Chile before someone actually told me what was really going on. Something dumb about baby back ribs or something.

Pros (for me): Kinda like the Haiti thing, this affected me in no positive way, unless you consider rising above a 24 hour media hype machine positive.
Cons (for me): Seriously. I cannot bear to think about the amount of play-on-words I heard concerning this thing.

6. Greece goes bankrupt, lower feta prices?

Certainly it has something to do with bankruptcy, right?

I am not going to pretend to know what happened in this. My sources (read: Wikipedia) tell me that Greece’s debt accounts for nearly 90% of it’s GDP. That’s a lot of percent. What happened to you, Greece? That’s a huge debt even for a gambler. You gave us western thought, republics, Platonic ideas, salads, and that one super sweet scene from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure where they steal Socrates. How does an entire country go into default?

Pros (for me): maybe they’ll regroup and take back Yanni in exchange for a bailout
Cons (for me): I deliver catering sometimes for Zoe’s Kitchen here in town, which is Greek-ish food. I am not employed there technically, I only take food to people. But I do love Greek dressing and feta, so I feel for the entire Greek people group.

7. Death, and all his close acquaintances

A lot of people passed away, too. Most notably Teddy Pendergrass, Guru (from Gang Starr. Also, you really, really should check out his JazzMatazz series), Corey Haim (I literally just found this out looking this stuff up), Ronnie James Dio, Alexander McQueen, Lena Horne, Gary Coleman, Herb Ellis, J.D. Salinger, Dennis Hopper, Manute Bol, and most recently, Leslie Nielson, who made even the dumbest movie bearable and laughable.

Ya know, they say celebrity deaths comes in threes, and I’m not a math wizard or anything, but that looks like a lot more than three.

But you know who did not die? Me. and you, if you’re reading this. So congratulations! we collectively did the hardest thing that anyone can possibly do in this life, cheating death. Thank God for grace and quick reflexes.  Bring it on, 2kStix.

Oh wait. No. It was because it was a freaking upside-down toilet.

Marcel Duchamp, part of the Dada and anti-rational art movement, bought an old toilet, cocked it 90 degrees, and put it on display. He didn’t make anything. He bought a toilet.

HE BOUGHT A FREAKING TOILET AND CALLED IT ART.

this. ballsy move, Marcy

That is mental patient/Gary Busey levels of crazy.  Or it’s genius. Or it was absurd. that was the point. He was challenging what everyone else thought art was or should be. It was crazy and stupid and simple and so dumb that it crossed some sort of weird, transcendent barrier and was brilliant and profound.

Which brings me to really my only point:

I know Im late to the game by a few months, but Das Racist has a song entitled, ahem, “Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.” And I can. not. stop. listening. Holy crap. The only words are ”I’m at the pizza hut. I’m at the taco bell. I’m at the combination pizza hut and taco bell.”

these guys.

This is anti-art. this is anti music. This is absurd. This is nothing. THIS IS EVERYTHING.

This isn’t someone doing something terrible because they suck. This isn’t someone who doesn’t know what is cool and just likes tacos and/or pizzas.  This isn’t Weird Al doing parodies. This is a defiant, well-made and produced song. That is not a song.

The beat is sweet, the melody and rhythmic motif are interesting, but they are singing about a Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. I have their mixtapes; none of their other stuff is like this (well, not really. and not like THIS).  This seems to be basically a middle finger to every piece of music that has come before it. Not just commercial rap or establishment rock or teen R&B. This is a big ol’ middle finger to everyone. That has ever touched an instrument. and the really funny thing is that they were not trying. It is meaningless and meaningful. and as the author of that article wrote, “[it] is either the track we, as a culture, need right now, or the track we, as a culture, deserve—or both.” Man, good for those guys. Good for them.

Freaking upside-down toilet art

Anyways, I’m back. back again. Because if there is one thing that I have seen a lack of, it’s opinions on the internet. So this will be a completely new venture. This will be a smattering of everything I think about everything. mostly about things I like.  The most important aspect of this is that I have a lot of open time on my hand. Way more than you think. So I’m going to use that, hopefully productively.

Here goes.